Unbelievable

One Sunday my boyfriend and I decided to bring our parents together for dinner. We’ve been together for almost a year and we figured that it was time to bring everyone together. My parents arrived first. Of course my dad would rather be home watching the game, but he came anyways because my mom made him. I introduced them to my boyfriend, Darren, and then we continued to finish getting things ready. About an hour later Darren’s parents showed up and I was becoming a nervous wreck. Normally I love meeting new people, but I feel like I would screw something up at any given moment. I listened in the kitchen as Darren greeted them at the door.

“Honey!!! Oh how is mama’s baby? We’ve missed you around the house.”

“Speak for yourself woman. Darren’s a man now. MAN meaning mooching ain’t natural, it was time for him to go.”

“Oh hush up Roy, he’s still our baby. Now where is this girlfriend of yours?”

I took that as my cue to walk in and introduce myself. “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, I’m Hazel.” I extended my hand for a handshake only to be pulled into a bear hug by Mr. Thompson. He spun me around and finally placed me back on the ground.

“Hazel, it’s finally nice to meet the girl that pulled this boy outta my house. I like you already.”

“You’re welcome. Uhm my parents are here as well so you can meet them. Please make yourselves at home.”

As Darren showed them around, I went back in the kitchen to help my mother set the table and make sure everything was in order. As we were having gossip of our own, all I heard was “OH MY GOD!!!” My mom and I ran into the den where they were to see what the fuss was about. I swear I regret having eyes at that very moment. We walk in to see my dad sitting on the couch naked with a beer watching the game.

“JAMES!!!! What in God’s name are you doing?!”

“They told me to make myself at home Sheryl so I did. You know I like to watch my game in the nude. It makes me feel free."

“Dad put some clothes on now!!!! Mr. and Mrs. Thompson I am so sorry for my father's behavior. I don’t know what he was thinking.”

When my dad got up to leave, he suddenly froze. His face had turned red and his mouth was gaped open. He stood staring at Darren’s parents as if they were his own. I looked over to my mother only to see her the same way. The room fell silent. Darren looked at me, searching my face to see if I knew what was going on. I didn’t have a clue.

“Uhm,” Darren cleared his throat, “Is everything okay?”

“You kids can’t be together,” his mother said.

“Why not?”

“There’s no easy way in saying this, but you’re related in a twisted sort of way.”

“What are you talking about Mrs. Thompson?”

“Well honey,” my father stepped in, “Sheryl isn’t your real mother. April is.

“MY MOM?!” Darren look flustered. “How can that be?”

“I’ll give you two words. Swingers Club. We switched partners years back and obviously we were young and careless because here yall are.”

My father kept explaining, but after I heard swingers club I completely blanked out. I wasn’t focused on the fact that Darren and I were somehow related, but more on the fact that my parents were freaks. The way they use to grill me about what I was doing in college, I thought they just had sex to have kids. Man was I steered wrong. When I finally tuned back in I wish I never did. The last thing I remember hearing was Mr. Thompson's voice.

“Yeah Sheryl was real flexible back then. There wasn’t a limb or joint she couldn’t bend.”

I threw up and passed out. My life will never be the same.